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When deciding on the colour of bridal gowns, buttonholes, bouquets and balloons, to-be-weds are usually very well prepared, very sure of their style and often very bold in their choices but when it comes to the most emotionally influencing aspect of the wedding – the music – most of us don’t even know where to begin.

Your wedding day is a statement about you and your partner, your love for each other and how well you meld together so the first thing you need to do is know each other inside out. Hopefully at this stage that won’t be too tricky so next you must figure out what your style is and keep it consistent. If you’ve told the pastor you’ll be wearing innocent white in a century old chapel then playing Judas Priest may prove controversial, similarly if you’re going for a birdie in blue beneath a contemporary golf club conversion, then a medieval madrigal may be just too civil for your ceremony. Think about the music that means something to you and your partner, perhaps a song that reminds you of when you first met, first danced or kissed. What about your roots? Do you want bodhran, bagpipes or bhangra? Christian, klezmer or karaoke? Remember that it’s up to you – if you don’t store Mendelssohn on your mp3 player or worship Wurlitzers then why order an organist to perform the Wedding March?

1. Arrival of the guests

Get things started on the right foot and it’ll be a waltz from here. After being stuck for six hours on the motorway, light and positive background music will help to revive your guests. There’ll be a lot of conversation so refrain from distracting vocals. Harpists are perfect for this, providing you can afford them. Classical or contemporary, it’s up to you but at least 30 minutes of low volume instrumental music should allow enough time for any eventuality.

2. Bridal procession

The most important part of the day. All eyes will be on the bride in all her heavenly glory and the groom’s only function will be to marvel at the astounding embodiment of ethereal beauty that is approaching and think, ‘Re-sult,’ so best to avoid enhancing the moment with Paul McCartney and the Frog Chorus – try the angelic sound of a boy’s choir instead. Depending on your venue and whether you walk or run, the processional will only last around 30 to 60 seconds although I like to add 20 seconds or so before the bride enters to build up the anticipation of this once in a lifetime moment. Wagner’s ‘Bridal Chorus’, also known as, ‘Here Comes The Bride’ is a firm favourite since its opening fanfare alerts the guests that you’re ready to roll and everyone can sing along, ‘All fat and wide.’ It is, however, very susceptible to a poor organist. Tempo is usually best kept to the bride’s own slow walking pace. If you decide on a song, remember that religious venues will be very sensitive to irreverent lyrics and even remotely religious lyrics, such as Robbie Williams’ ‘Angels’, aren’t allowed in civil ceremonies at all. If you really want to get it right then there is no substitute for marking this unique moment with a professionally written piece composed specially for you. In this era of digital studios, commissioning a piece is now incredibly affordable and since it will last forever, is sure to prove the best value part of your wedding. A good wedding music composer should spend time really getting to know you, your requirements and involve you in the writing process. Don’t be afraid to ask for something daringly different – if your love is so special then let the music show it! Good communication throughout will ensure that from lone piper to 300-piece orchestra to disco diva, you are happy with your lovingly-crafted result. Don’t settle for stock music that wasn’t originally written for you or songs that have been ‘adapted’ – it just isn’t good enough. A successful piece will incorporate the couple’s personalities and express their love for one another. It should also be appropriate for the venue and can even be timed to reflect physical aspects such as descending a staircase or stepping through an archway. In short, it should uplift you and your partner and send both your hearts racing.

3. Signing of the register

With only 8 minutes to fill you haven’t really got time for a song medley and since this is still part of the ceremony, try to keep the theme flowing smoothly with a long instrumental piece that is sympathetic to the processional. Choose something positive that skips quietly along to reflect your happiness – an acoustic guitar is very good for this but no singing – you don’t want to distract your guests from discussing how amazing you look.

4. Bride and groom’s exit

Habitually used in conjunction with Wagner’s ‘Bridal Chorus’, Mendelssohn’s ‘Wedding March’ is another piece that can sound particularly indelicate when clumsily performed. Its natural grandeur, best suited to cathedrals, can be rather overpowering for the small churches in which it is most frequently heard. Ideally you should end your wedding ceremony music as you began – with a reprise of the wedding entrance music. A good composer should be able to take your original theme and build it up into a lively and upbeat celebration of your love. It will only take around 30 seconds for the newly-weds to exit but keep the happy mood going for 2-3 minutes to allow your guests to politely move on.

5. Drinks reception

A similar situation to the arrival of the guests but more celebratory and by listening to Bucks Fizz, as well as drinking it, the party has officially begun. A lot more talking now and the noise levels will rise, so livelier music with vocals will be perfectly acceptable. The amount of time needed will vary greatly depending on your venue and plans. A live band could keep the atmosphere upbeat but as this is not the evening dance, make sure the music stays in the background.

6. Wedding breakfast

And so the second grand entrance, this time as a married couple. This is a fanfare, so let loose. A favourite pop tune is great for this, a live band with vocalist or the brass section of the Royal Philharmonic, if you’ve got the space. Loud, brash and above all, joyous, this is to broadcast to the world that you’re the happiest couple on the planet. The meal, however, is a different kettle of fish – good table manners require mild-mannered music. A jazz or classical pianist will strike the right note or if the budget stretches, a string quartet will provide a pleasurable accompaniment.

7. First dance

If you’ve got a particular song that reminds you of that special time then this is the moment to use it. If you haven’t, then get romantic and write one or get one written for you. Be mindful of beloved pop songs belying less obvious meanings – Sting’s beautiful ‘Fields of Gold’ may be about undying love but the protagonist actually ends up dying to confirm it and ‘Every Breath You Take’ may be a powerful love song to a much adored woman but it also says a thing or two about the wierdo stalking her. Best not to waste Ronan Keaton’s, ‘You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All’ – you may need it for your tenth anniversary. If you are going to use a singer, think Simon Cowell and audition! Wild warbling will mar the moment and leech your limelight and if you’ve got two left feet then tread carefully and select something slow.

8. Evening reception

The day hit the right note, now it’s time to party! DJs come with flashing lights but high volumes can often keep your non-clubbing guests from joining the dance floor and if you don’t know your Timewarp from your Mambo No. 5 then ‘Dancing Queen’ will certainly sort the men from the boys. Live musicians always create a buzz and a real interaction with the guests. If you’re not up for a dance then they’re entertaining to watch and will play all your favourite covers in their own, individual style. I thought my better half was barmy when she suggested a barn dance but nothing could have worked better. Guests need to be in fours or eights, etc. and a small group is a great way to entice a more reluctant guest to join in. The caller instructs you in the steps so everyone from grandkids to grandparents can take part and you will have fun socialising with them all as you change partners. Trying to remember your steps is as entertaining as any party game and everyone from the coolest teenager to the giddiest grandma will be joining in and having a great time.

9. Special events

Oh, you’re a real romantic? Well, there’s always room to go that one step further. A serenade to your beloved perhaps, a piece for the youngsters to perform or an explosive pyrotechnics display, set to your own unique theme tune. Just call your composer and say ‘extra Brownie points’.

So there you have it. Just remember that this single day should be the most special moment of your life and the music is as important a part of making that happen as any other aspect of the wedding – the dress, the decorations, the venue. Moreover, the right music can express your love for each other, uplift your guests and ensure that everyone can share the greatest celebration ever. So collect your CDs, book your bands, call your composer and don’t leave it to the last minuet!